i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
