she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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