Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
i believe in u and ur pee
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
