no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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