I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
