I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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