Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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