Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
sex in a hospital.. check
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
