it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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