VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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