They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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