You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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