turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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