his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
