After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
