hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
