I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
