sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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