if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
