In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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