Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
