You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
