hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
