Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
