We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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