You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
