A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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