Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
