bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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