ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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