Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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