Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
