ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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