I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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