Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
