Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
