things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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