I'm really into asian looking animals
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize