well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
is wine microwaveable?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
