He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The struggles of a small town man whore
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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