he puts the penis in happiness.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
