so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm too high and old for this...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
