I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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