Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
