Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
