I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
