Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
