life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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