my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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