My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
