Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
