A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
im holly from the hills drunk
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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