dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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