She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
